back~

hey all, OMG i almost couldnt get into my blog xD but luckily i got it back :D so there's at least only one blog to worry about :DD

HEYHEY

HEY ALL it's been such such a long time since i blogged :D maybe cuz i didnt want to or maybe it was the exam stress or maybe cuz i dun have anything to blog... so obviously now, i also have nothing to blog at all xD so i only posted to make it look UNDEAD hehe

heyhey~! changed my wall paper :D it's supposed to mean that i'm sad because of the raindrops but i wanted another one but couldnt find it so i had to go with this ^^ which is seriously the case... i'm seriously sad.. i could cut myself soon too o.o

this two days after my birthday seriously not very nice... (obviously, if not i wouldnt be saying this ._.) got more problems, damn tired, cry alone, no comfort... its just so normal... like i've been through this before...x(

AWESOMEST DAY EVER! went to 'celebrate' birthday but ended up running away from SOME PEOPLE (so damn sorry ><) but in the end, had lots of fun :D BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!!! WOO!

today will definitely be an unforgettable day ^^ sad can't type everything... damn tired... yawn~

NIGHTS PEEPS! WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW OR SOMETHING :D

heyhey~!

celebrated my birthday yesterday with my family :D nice cake xD also received a wallet (with $20 inside :O) from my cousin and also a Triumph necklace (uhh... i dunno what that is for but haha thx :D) anyway, had real fun and FINALLY, I'M DONE WITH MY HOMEWORK!!! WOO! AWESOME ME~!

just pretend nothing happened... i'm fine now, right? i dun wanna quarrel with you again... those days are enough... i dun wan it to happen again...

COUNTDOWN: 4 DAYS!!!

was there another meaning to you lending me that book or was it just me? cuz there are alot of ........ never mind... anyway, that book was really very cute and the scenes inside are ...LOVEly xD it's like a guy... so young, doing such romantic things to a girl!!! OMG!! never seen this kind of things but OMG!!!!!!!!! SO SWEET!!!!!

am i always like this or is it only starting this year..? i feel so different... it makes me feel so important... i dunno... i just like this feeling :3 i wanted it badly last time, and now i've gotten it :D its so cool!

i'm sorry. i can't tolerate that well. when i say i've had enough, it's not a joke. so i cannot tolerate people who keep repeating what they say, over and over about that same subject. the longest i can go is a week, maybe a few more days but if i hear it everyday, i might only be able to go for only 5 days. when there is a way to resolve it, i dun want to tell, i wan you to know what to do and act on it. dun just say, DO IT. unless you wan me to resort to stopping our friendship or even force you to stop doing it again and again... if not, i totally give up on you and let you do what you want while i pretend i'm listening or looking and daydream... i might even pretend to listen to everything you say and do something else instead. i will let my mind drift off if i find it unnecessary to listen..

i could have considered to answer that and break the chain or to not answer that and make you feel worse... there were many things i wanted to tell you... but hearing your voice, i decided not to cuz i didnt want you to be more hurt... there were many decisions i had to make... i wanted to give up... i wanted to despise love and shun it forever... i wanted to think that this kind of stuff will never ever happen on me... no happily ever after... not for me.. i once said i wanted the two of you out of my life and i decided that the time is right about now... my phone shows me evidence that i should let go and concentrate on what i am supposed to be doing... [once bitten, twice shy] i dun want to be hurt again... i don't want myself to be worried about unnecessary things like this anymore... cuz i've had enough of it... it's about time i buck up and do the right things...

i have been considering this the entire day... should i send you message?? i don't think that will be the best thing to do but i really feel that i should send you message... i seriously want to tell you how i feel... at least about our friendship ya? that it might be coming to an end... i'm seriously very indecisive now... i really want to at least talk to you like we used to... but thinking about the message i might be sending you, i think it will never happen again... never ever...

first thing i did when i log on: go to facebook. feeling happy, i click on my profile. sadly, the first thing i saw was your name... ><

you may be older than me, but that doesn't mean you can bully me. stop pushing all the bloody blame to me and make me sound like an asshole who doesnt even noe anything about pulsing. please... you are the one that is slow... you should listen to yourself for a change! i admit it that i get distracted sometimes but i get back on track again.. i bet you are the one that upon hearing others being faster than you so you speed up and then realise that you are singing faster and you THINK you are listening to me but NO~ i mean, who can hear themselves when the others are so damned bloody loud? if you continue doing that, i tell you, one day when i'm in a very ver bad mood, you are going to get it from me!

intensive training tomorrow =D bet it's gonna be 'fun' (in a way)

WOW tmr is the amksian family day~ gonna be running the 3.1km :D today went to run with michelle and calvin. ended up walking from yck stadium to bishan stadium and then back to yck XD both stadiums were occupied so in the end its like before even officially running, we have already walked for more than 3.1km... -_-'' but then, still managed to run for around 3 rounds or so... x)

i mean, wat's the problem with you?? i only need to use the com for a while and you go crazy and scold me like i'm such an ass?! on normal days i wouldnt have quarrelled with you but sadly, today my mood is swinging like hell so too bad, you got shouted back by me. count yourself lucky if i didnt do something bad to you...

i finally found out something about you - you always think that whatever happens to you is other people's fault. i think you are sooooooo wrong. cuz whatever happens to yourself, is cuz of something you did, not wat others do to you. something so dreadful that everyone can go against you... sigh... tsk tsk tsk... you dun even noe wat is wrong with you...

i feel so awful... i guess it's cause i'm getting too many complaints about other people's own relationships, I'M FREAKING OUT!!! its not like i'm involved in them.. so why do ppl just keep spamming me about their own complicated stuff and wont just leave me alone?? i dare say that i dun wanna care anymore. if i ever receive another complaint, i wont care about it at all. if i cant take it anymore, i will just rush off and ignore it..

i'm crying... oh shit... i'm supposed to be happy but no.. i'm not... its another load for me... wat to do... >< i feel like ending it here... all at once...

he still likes you... why won't you stop denying it? you know him more than me... yet i know he still likes you when you deny it and say he didn't say it... without him saying, it's still so easy to know his mind... it's so obvious, his answer is at the tip of your tongue yet you deny it... haix... if you feel that way...

i'm going in depression mode, i'm going to go emo... if i can control, there won't be cuts or loss of blood... ><

难道我只能默默地在你后面跟着你吗？难道我只能在无人知下为你祈祷吗？我知道你根本都没有想到我是这样看你的，可是我真的觉得你这种人没有朋友就算了，有自己和你所爱的人就可以了。我相信你到现在还一点也不知道我已经没有和你交流了。因为你只需要她与你的友谊就够满意了。我却觉得失去你会带给我很大的痛苦，可是我还得坚持下去，把你忘得一干二净。你知道这样对我有多难吗？我看，你应该根本连想都不去想。。。

Your behaviour and even the sight of you irks me. If i was given a choice, i would ignore you till the day i graduate. so what if you have that? must you show off every once in a while? You know something? THIS is what makes people HATE you sooooooo much... You know what, you SHOULD change... If you want to do something about it, YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. if not, sooner or later, i dare to bet with you, someone as tolerating as me, will leave you and seriously leave you alone. I tell you, i have been tolerating your stupid and irksome and disgusting behaviour for a very very long time. If i were other people, i tell you, you wouldn't have any friends anymore. you should be happy that you have a friend that is able to tolerate your nonsense all the way unil now okay? so quit complaining and live you life! continue your nonsense, I BET YOU WON'T MIND LOSING A FRIEND LIKE ME!!!

are you willing to wait? I can't accept you until i'm ready... If you feel that it is a waste of your time waiting for me, then i don't mind, you are free to like someone else... cuz i dun wanna make you waste your time on someone like me... i can tell you this, people who like me can easily forget that feeling for me. i dunno whether you will be an exception but i'm just telling you cuz that happened to me several times... so i won't mind if you dun like me anymore... cuz i'm used to it too... no offence if i indirectly insulted you... hope you understand what i'm trying to say to you... :)

i must be crazy... why am i still thinking when i already know you won't care about me? why should i even care who you like? why should i care when i see your name everywhere i go to? why should i care that your picture is everywhere? why should i care when you don't even have the same feelings for me? Why should i even think about you when i know you will never ever think about me? you may think we are still close, but i don't think so... i completely, 100% think that the two of us are not close AT ALL! so why do i still look at you with hopeful eyes... how can i forget you, someone so unimportant in my life?

studies is my priority and i noe we are still young... but if i didnt care as much as i did about my studies, i would have chosen to be with you :) not that i like you alot but you managed to get my mind off that guy... i'm not gonna make use if you cuz like you said, we are good friends right?? who knows? i might like you sooner or later but i noe i MUST control myself...

IT MAY BE THE FIRST TIME, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU WILL WAVER CUZ OF THAT AM I RIGHT?? You can control yourself the way you do with your anger, so this is not something you can't manage.. :D just don't think too much about it okay? it will be just fine as long as you don't do anything out of line... :)

HOLY MAMA HELP ME~! I'M STRESSED OFF BY YOU!!!!! OMG... i dunno wat's gotten into me... someone treats me nicely but i think the other way round... i think i've gone mad, i mean seriously...

eh, i wasted five sms on you, yet again you nvr reply, you go fly kite lahh!!! asshole...

hey all sorry for not blogging for i dunno how many days... lucky i completed my homework :D now desperately waiting fo rthe next day to come so i can return someone's bottle to him and i can then finish my chinese AMA ><

apparently, today i found out that someone has been stalking me in this blog and never told me till now... and not only that, i found out in 1 week that he is very neat and very nice sia~ not like the him i see... :D strange lols xP

whenever i see that you are no longer on my friends list in fb, i feel like my heart just went one step closer to death... but whenever i see you online, i do not dare to even click on ur name despite the hope of talking to you... but i tell myself this : "if i talk to you, we will still remain in the state we are now... cuz you dun care about me at all, you only care about something else" so i can only care about you behind your back, ask about you when i noe i shouldn't do it... sadly, i cant stop myself from thinking about you... i hear a sweet song, i think about you. in fact whatever i listen to i think of you... so hurting you noe that? thinking about someone like you , who practically dun care about anything...

The bad things happen again... Felt great to get a load of me when i handed you that thing, but another heavier load was dropped at me when i realised you only wished me that when i gave you something... Aren't you useless... I seriously don't know why i'm still fretting over you... It's not like you need my concern... You only need hers... Whatever your emotions are for the day, it all depends on how she treats you... I prefer not to give you anything anymore... In other words, i rather not give anyone anything AT ALL! They don't appreciate the thought nor the fact that i wanted to learn how to make some stupid heart just to make me have a sense of achievement that i got at least something for them... I'm already very happy to receive a balloon from AWESOME so i'm cool now... happy for the first time in my life that i received a valentine's day gift... so i'm cool and awesome now :D i feel wonderful just thinking about it xP

sorry for not updating this blog :D anyway, today's VALENTINE'S DAY~ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYBODY ^^

today, the best valentine's day of my life!!! first time giving people gifts and not only that, first time getting gifts from people :DD thx to all those who gave me something:D it's the thought that counts ya?? and today, i feel random and 'cool' :D today definitely an awesome day :DDDDD thx to marcus teng, samoeul tan, michelle neo, and joey gue :DD LOVE YOU GUYS MAN!!! <3

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR TO ALL :D

happy new year :D had like two reunion dinners on the eve and on the exact day :DD
the one on the eve disgusted me actually... not very nice even when we had one abalone each.. the sauce isn't nice either but then it's still a reunion dinner so NO COMPLAINING!
the one on the exact day was the same as always, the best i could ask for in my family's state :D all in the day's work for my mummy :DD but then i dozed off while waiting for work to come to me and only woke up when all the work's done x.x

if that other half was mine, i dunno wat i would have to do... i'm in this situation when i get insulted yet i'm trying to let go... HOW can i let go when i was insulted without taking the necessary revenge?? it's unfair but my mum told me this, it's not like we are related to her, so watever happens, we don't have to hate her. even if she did wat she did, it's not like we have to get back, we can just pretend we didn't see it... i thought about this so i seriously let it go... the next step is how will i go up to her? not like i can just add her or something? it doesn't seem like it's the most appropriate thing to do... sad... i can't think of anything else that i can do... even if it doesn't happen in the end, i wouldn't mind, knowing wat she did to me before even if i have already let it go...

YAY HONGBAO! <3

why can't people just leave me alone... stop asking me all those kinds of questions! if you were me, would you feel uncomfortable answering this questions?! or shall i just give you an experience of getting spammed?? in the end, its like i still forgot about it but i dare to bet my life sooner or later, this news will be spread to the entire class... DAMN ANNOYING LEH!!!

4 days of not blogging...

4 days nvr blog but so much happened... like friday, choose class com...
die liao, her name was on the board. obviously i nvr choose her cuz i tot if she would treat me this way, she would also be able to abuse her powers if she was class committee.
during the weekend, i tot about everything that happened between me and her. realised that she might not be the bad one at all! it might be me who is the cruel one... so i promised myself i will listen to her if everyone chose her as class committee.
today,during pe she hurt herself and got hit on the face or something... but when i went back to class to ask about her, i realised i was just shedding crocodile tears cuz i dun care about it at all.. i was thinking about that and i realised that its true - i was shedding crocodile tears... so i told myself, if i didnt have the heart to think about it, i rather not ask about it either... if i didnt have the heart to care, i rather not ask and mind my own business...
then in the evening, SOMEBODY sms me!!! wth sia.. i see that message i was like ____... then not only that, i called him an asshole instead of calling michelle XD epic misunderstanding lorr... guess he was laughing at himself :D

i think you wont be able to accomplish what you want to accomplish. cuz obviously, you are still thinking about him. what you tell me, they are all lies. you cant do it... i can bet that you cant do it. if you continue to post stupid things on facebook talking about him, i tell you, i bet 100% you wont be able to forget him.

Number 1 : EUGENE CHOW CAN NEVER EVER BE TRUSTED WITH A SECRET

Number 2 : HE JUST GOT WRONG INFO FROM ME xD

Number 3 : I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

while turning back to talk to some people, saw him. he just walked past me without saying anything, obviously... and then i sms her, she tell me he ask her for stead... i was like, walao why this info also tell me >< F*** MY LIFE. not only that, my heart crunched up and it was so small and blazing with hatred... it was saying, "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!" there was even a scene in my head when i shouted at him until i cry sia... -_- i'm so freaking useless... i ws so filled with hatred, i wanted to just sms him to tell him that but in the end, my heart stopped me... i even greeted my brother nicely despite all the fury in my body... i just realised it was so easy to keep myself calm... its so easy for me... SO COOL! :D

THANKS SAMOEUL AND YONG LE FOR HELPING ME HAND HIM SOMETHING :D THANKS ALOT AND IF I HAVE THE TIME, I GO BUY SOMETHING FOR YOU TWO ^^ ONCE AGAIN, THANKS YOU GUYS!!!! (i just realised you two that are willing to help me are from anderson primary... anderson people must be very kind-hearted (: )

i'm wasting messgaes on you again... you are replying my messages with less than 5 messages... you useless crap, you may have unlimited messages but you save them for something that doesn't care about you... I HATE YOU TO THE FREAKING CORE!!!!!!!!!

you still came to school toady didnt you... i give up on you le... you want to be this way, i am fine with it... its pointless if i ever tell you anything cuz YOU WONT LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! so many things i tell you and its as though it came out of the other ear... if you want your leg to become worse, go for it, its not my problem anymore...

i'm indecisive now... i dunno whether i still wanna be with you... i'm getting influenced by people around... i dun wanna lose more friends because i'm with you... i dunno wat to do anymore... i want to but its like my duty to help you... ARGH!! i dunno wat to do!!!

in a severe state of depression, dun come disturb me ._.

today's straw bridge competition was fun :D worked with different people and gained new experiences. but didnt know yan hao could sulk all the way after he knew our group didnt win XD

get well soon! every part of your body is important. but if you tire it too much, you will be even worse than this. so try not to overdo it, if not, i wont have any more advice for you

there are so many things to write about but the only things i actually remember are:

1) dun call me a bitch. how bout you? please, i saw you mouthing the words... i can report you anytime i want...

2) its very tiring to wait for you so i want to give up seriously... i'm tired... i cant concentrate... its worthless to think of you every minute....

I WANT TO FORGT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in less than 5 hours i will be able to sms people!!!

i wonder what you meant by half-half... sadly, it got me thinking about you for the entire day... i wished i never found out... obviously i was lying to myself again... i was happy >< i dun think i can forget you so easily for now... but sooner or later when we return to being friends, we will get into a fight... i'm almost 100% sure... so its pretty much no point thinking about it... sad... guess its really over...

i know i shouldnt have called you... but my mind was somewhere else but my hands were clicking at my phone and by the time i knew anything, i was calling you... you dun expect me to put down the phone when there were like already two rings or something right??? but when you answered, i tried to be nice but you just answered me in that 'i dun care' voice... wtf do you want? ya i know you dun need me to call you... then fine! why should i care then! you still asked why i was angry?! now i'm angrier, and disappointed in you... i dun want to see you again but you just keep appearing!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY ALREADY-MISERABLE LIFE WILL YOU? you even appear in my dreams today... i shouted at you in some room then when i went back to that room, you were gone... that was the perfect dream to describe my anger towards you... great, shouldnt have apologised... you dun even noe wat you did wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

ignoring you won't do any good to me but i still have to... i'm still angry at you for saying those words to me>< i saw your name in someone's phone... i thought of you... i cant believe it... everytime i walk past your class, i cant bring myself to look inside to look for you... i dun want to see you at all... but nowadays you keep appearing in front of me... why? i dun want to see you anymore... >< i cant bear with it... i want to reply you, call you but i keep forcing myself not to... i keep telling myself there's no point in communicating with you... cuz in the end we will still get into a fight, and i dun wan another fight to hurt me even more... so i'm trying to give up with alot of effort...... :'(

yay~ 4 more days till i can finally sms :D finally! if not, i would die from boredom when people sms me when i cant reply... xP

3 messages and 1 missed call ><

today has got to be the most interesting first day of the week i have ever seen in my freaking life... first time i saw assault that was happening right in front of me!!!! but its best not to be mentioned...

when you saw wat happened, did you have to freaking stare at it like its not ur business? i mean, that person is ur friend.. when i looked at you, you were only showing the freaking blur face of yours, i can just go up there and tear that mouth away from you... right there, you and i saw it, we were both shocked, i had no right, but you did! you freaking loser!

why did i have to see you... you appeared right in front of me like dunno how many times... you do it on purpose one or wat? stop annoying me... the sight of you irks me to the freaking core... even if you need me, i wont be there for you anymore... cuz you got wat you want... you dun nid no freaking friends anymore ><

so wat if i'm poor? dun nid to call me a freaking maid! you are such an ass... do it again, you are dead!

had a bad experience with worms today... while walking back home, and talking on the phone, something dropped on my palm, i looked at it, and stun. i tried flinging it off but there was some web that was sticking on my hand and the caterpillar. tried to fling it off some more and luckily it came off my hand. when i entered the lift, i turned to look at my skirt and found that darned thing still on me!!! so i tried to get it off but in the end failed so i overreacted when i reached home and screamed for help. finally my mum took a tissue and got it off... phew!!