back~

hey all, OMG i almost couldnt get into my blog xD but luckily i got it back :D so there's at least only one blog to worry about :DD

HEYHEY

HEY ALL it's been such such a long time since i blogged :D maybe cuz i didnt want to or maybe it was the exam stress or maybe cuz i dun have anything to blog... so obviously now, i also have nothing to blog at all xD so i only posted to make it look UNDEAD hehe

heyhey~! changed my wall paper :D it's supposed to mean that i'm sad because of the raindrops but i wanted another one but couldnt find it so i had to go with this ^^ which is seriously the case... i'm seriously sad.. i could cut myself soon too o.o

this two days after my birthday seriously not very nice... (obviously, if not i wouldnt be saying this ._.) got more problems, damn tired, cry alone, no comfort... its just so normal... like i've been through this before...x(

AWESOMEST DAY EVER! went to 'celebrate' birthday but ended up running away from SOME PEOPLE (so damn sorry ><) but in the end, had lots of fun :D BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!!! WOO!

today will definitely be an unforgettable day ^^ sad can't type everything... damn tired... yawn~

NIGHTS PEEPS! WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW OR SOMETHING :D

heyhey~!

celebrated my birthday yesterday with my family :D nice cake xD also received a wallet (with $20 inside :O) from my cousin and also a Triumph necklace (uhh... i dunno what that is for but haha thx :D) anyway, had real fun and FINALLY, I'M DONE WITH MY HOMEWORK!!! WOO! AWESOME ME~!

just pretend nothing happened... i'm fine now, right? i dun wanna quarrel with you again... those days are enough... i dun wan it to happen again...

COUNTDOWN: 4 DAYS!!!

was there another meaning to you lending me that book or was it just me? cuz there are alot of ........ never mind... anyway, that book was really very cute and the scenes inside are ...LOVEly xD it's like a guy... so young, doing such romantic things to a girl!!! OMG!! never seen this kind of things but OMG!!!!!!!!! SO SWEET!!!!!

am i always like this or is it only starting this year..? i feel so different... it makes me feel so important... i dunno... i just like this feeling :3 i wanted it badly last time, and now i've gotten it :D its so cool!

i'm sorry. i can't tolerate that well. when i say i've had enough, it's not a joke. so i cannot tolerate people who keep repeating what they say, over and over about that same subject. the longest i can go is a week, maybe a few more days but if i hear it everyday, i might only be able to go for only 5 days. when there is a way to resolve it, i dun want to tell, i wan you to know what to do and act on it. dun just say, DO IT. unless you wan me to resort to stopping our friendship or even force you to stop doing it again and again... if not, i totally give up on you and let you do what you want while i pretend i'm listening or looking and daydream... i might even pretend to listen to everything you say and do something else instead. i will let my mind drift off if i find it unnecessary to listen..

i could have considered to answer that and break the chain or to not answer that and make you feel worse... there were many things i wanted to tell you... but hearing your voice, i decided not to cuz i didnt want you to be more hurt... there were many decisions i had to make... i wanted to give up... i wanted to despise love and shun it forever... i wanted to think that this kind of stuff will never ever happen on me... no happily ever after... not for me.. i once said i wanted the two of you out of my life and i decided that the time is right about now... my phone shows me evidence that i should let go and concentrate on what i am supposed to be doing... [once bitten, twice shy] i dun want to be hurt again... i don't want myself to be worried about unnecessary things like this anymore... cuz i've had enough of it... it's about time i buck up and do the right things...

i have been considering this the entire day... should i send you message?? i don't think that will be the best thing to do but i really feel that i should send you message... i seriously want to tell you how i feel... at least about our friendship ya? that it might be coming to an end... i'm seriously very indecisive now... i really want to at least talk to you like we used to... but thinking about the message i might be sending you, i think it will never happen again... never ever...

first thing i did when i log on: go to facebook. feeling happy, i click on my profile. sadly, the first thing i saw was your name... ><

you may be older than me, but that doesn't mean you can bully me. stop pushing all the bloody blame to me and make me sound like an asshole who doesnt even noe anything about pulsing. please... you are the one that is slow... you should listen to yourself for a change! i admit it that i get distracted sometimes but i get back on track again.. i bet you are the one that upon hearing others being faster than you so you speed up and then realise that you are singing faster and you THINK you are listening to me but NO~ i mean, who can hear themselves when the others are so damned bloody loud? if you continue doing that, i tell you, one day when i'm in a very ver bad mood, you are going to get it from me!

intensive training tomorrow =D bet it's gonna be 'fun' (in a way)

WOW tmr is the amksian family day~ gonna be running the 3.1km :D today went to run with michelle and calvin. ended up walking from yck stadium to bishan stadium and then back to yck XD both stadiums were occupied so in the end its like before even officially running, we have already walked for more than 3.1km... -_-'' but then, still managed to run for around 3 rounds or so... x)

i mean, wat's the problem with you?? i only need to use the com for a while and you go crazy and scold me like i'm such an ass?! on normal days i wouldnt have quarrelled with you but sadly, today my mood is swinging like hell so too bad, you got shouted back by me. count yourself lucky if i didnt do something bad to you...

i finally found out something about you - you always think that whatever happens to you is other people's fault. i think you are sooooooo wrong. cuz whatever happens to yourself, is cuz of something you did, not wat others do to you. something so dreadful that everyone can go against you... sigh... tsk tsk tsk... you dun even noe wat is wrong with you...

i feel so awful... i guess it's cause i'm getting too many complaints about other people's own relationships, I'M FREAKING OUT!!! its not like i'm involved in them.. so why do ppl just keep spamming me about their own complicated stuff and wont just leave me alone?? i dare say that i dun wanna care anymore. if i ever receive another complaint, i wont care about it at all. if i cant take it anymore, i will just rush off and ignore it..

i'm crying... oh shit... i'm supposed to be happy but no.. i'm not... its another load for me... wat to do... >< i feel like ending it here... all at once...

he still likes you... why won't you stop denying it? you know him more than me... yet i know he still likes you when you deny it and say he didn't say it... without him saying, it's still so easy to know his mind... it's so obvious, his answer is at the tip of your tongue yet you deny it... haix... if you feel that way...

i'm going in depression mode, i'm going to go emo... if i can control, there won't be cuts or loss of blood... ><

难道我只能默默地在你后面跟着你吗？难道我只能在无人知下为你祈祷吗？我知道你根本都没有想到我是这样看你的，可是我真的觉得你这种人没有朋友就算了，有自己和你所爱的人就可以了。我相信你到现在还一点也不知道我已经没有和你交流了。因为你只需要她与你的友谊就够满意了。我却觉得失去你会带给我很大的痛苦，可是我还得坚持下去，把你忘得一干二净。你知道这样对我有多难吗？我看，你应该根本连想都不去想。。。

Your behaviour and even the sight of you irks me. If i was given a choice, i would ignore you till the day i graduate. so what if you have that? must you show off every once in a while? You know something? THIS is what makes people HATE you sooooooo much... You know what, you SHOULD change... If you want to do something about it, YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. if not, sooner or later, i dare to bet with you, someone as tolerating as me, will leave you and seriously leave you alone. I tell you, i have been tolerating your stupid and irksome and disgusting behaviour for a very very long time. If i were other people, i tell you, you wouldn't have any friends anymore. you should be happy that you have a friend that is able to tolerate your nonsense all the way unil now okay? so quit complaining and live you life! continue your nonsense, I BET YOU WON'T MIND LOSING A FRIEND LIKE ME!!!

are you willing to wait? I can't accept you until i'm ready... If you feel that it is a waste of your time waiting for me, then i don't mind, you are free to like someone else... cuz i dun wanna make you waste your time on someone like me... i can tell you this, people who like me can easily forget that feeling for me. i dunno whether you will be an exception but i'm just telling you cuz that happened to me several times... so i won't mind if you dun like me anymore... cuz i'm used to it too... no offence if i indirectly insulted you... hope you understand what i'm trying to say to you... :)

i must be crazy... why am i still thinking when i already know you won't care about me? why should i even care who you like? why should i care when i see your name everywhere i go to? why should i care that your picture is everywhere? why should i care when you don't even have the same feelings for me? Why should i even think about you when i know you will never ever think about me? you may think we are still close, but i don't think so... i completely, 100% think that the two of us are not close AT ALL! so why do i still look at you with hopeful eyes... how can i forget you, someone so unimportant in my life?

studies is my priority and i noe we are still young... but if i didnt care as much as i did about my studies, i would have chosen to be with you :) not that i like you alot but you managed to get my mind off that guy... i'm not gonna make use if you cuz like you said, we are good friends right?? who knows? i might like you sooner or later but i noe i MUST control myself...

IT MAY BE THE FIRST TIME, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU WILL WAVER CUZ OF THAT AM I RIGHT?? You can control yourself the way you do with your anger, so this is not something you can't manage.. :D just don't think too much about it okay? it will be just fine as long as you don't do anything out of line... :)

HOLY MAMA HELP ME~! I'M STRESSED OFF BY YOU!!!!! OMG... i dunno wat's gotten into me... someone treats me nicely but i think the other way round... i think i've gone mad, i mean seriously...

eh, i wasted five sms on you, yet again you nvr reply, you go fly kite lahh!!! asshole...

hey all sorry for not blogging for i dunno how many days... lucky i completed my homework :D now desperately waiting fo rthe next day to come so i can return someone's bottle to him and i can then finish my chinese AMA ><

apparently, today i found out that someone has been stalking me in this blog and never told me till now... and not only that, i found out in 1 week that he is very neat and very nice sia~ not like the him i see... :D strange lols xP

whenever i see that you are no longer on my friends list in fb, i feel like my heart just went one step closer to death... but whenever i see you online, i do not dare to even click on ur name despite the hope of talking to you... but i tell myself this : "if i talk to you, we will still remain in the state we are now... cuz you dun care about me at all, you only care about something else" so i can only care about you behind your back, ask about you when i noe i shouldn't do it... sadly, i cant stop myself from thinking about you... i hear a sweet song, i think about you. in fact whatever i listen to i think of you... so hurting you noe that? thinking about someone like you , who practically dun care about anything...